Everything about Equifax’s inept handling of its massive data breach in September suggested that the credit bureau had put no time or effort into planning for how to respond to such an incident. From accidentally publicising a phishing website aimed at affected consumers to forcing people who used the company’s credit monitoring service to waive their rights to sue it for failing to protect their information, Equifax gave the impression it had no plan in place for dealing with a major security breach. But in one respect the company was prepared: it had insurance.

Hello. My name is Jeremy Hunt, the elected Politician responsible for the good Running of Britain’s National Health Service. It has come to my attention that Criminals have entered a Number of NHS Hospitals through old Windows. This is a Disgrace and an Outrage. It is the Responsibility of Hospital Managers to make sure that their Windows are sound, secure and absolutely proof against Intruders, as well as Draughts. It is the responsibility of Nurses and Doctors, in the long Hours they must have between dealing with Patients, to carefully note down all cracked, broken or out of date Windows they see, and report them to their Supervisors (not to me, obviously, as I am too busy working to make the NHS fit for the Ranks of exciting developing Nations like Ukraine and India which we are about to join post-Brexit).