To the Management of the Louver Museum, Abroad

I herewith give notice, that I have a surprise for you. While turning over my allotment I dug up two hands, in good condition, of stone.
I apprehend, that you are in possession of an ancient Greek sculpture of the goddess Venus Ofmilo. You cannot deny this, becausethere are witnesses.
The above mentioned sculpture has no hands, because she is lacking them. I know this from a good source.
The fact is, I have found these hands.
I can forward these hands to you, post and package payable on receipt. In return I ask you to fulfil my wishes.
My wishes are as follows: the withdrawal of all foreign troops from my country. The holding of free elections with universal suffrage. Immediate supply to us of soap, shoes and toothpaste.
If you cannot handle this yourselves, get in touch with the United Nations. They’re concerned for world culture, and it’s clear that either the goddess will continue without hands or she’ll have her hands again.
Please send me personally a tin of powdered coffee, trademark Nescafe, for my efforts. Please send it registered mail, because they steal.
Yours faithfully,
Slawomir Mrozek – a Polishman