Embarrassingly Bad
Ian Patterson · Carol Ann Duffy
On Saturday, the Guardian published a short poem called ‘Stephen Lawrence’ by the poet laureate, and recent Costa Prize-winner, Carol Ann Duffy. It was embarrassingly bad, I thought. But to judge by the response on Twitter, I was in a minority. 'This is what I want of a poet laureate! Brilliant Carol Ann Duffy poem re Stephen Lawrence,' Jon Snow tweeted enthusiastically, backed up by his Channel 4 colleague, Matthew Cain, who said the poem was ‘short but so very moving...’ The poem ‘sent a shiver’ down Tom Watson’s spine; Adrian Lester said ‘Succinct. Short and effective. Please read this.’ Other tweets included ‘a darkly moving summation’, ‘a powerful new poem’, ‘Another brilliant Carol Ann Duffy poem at the end of a momentous week’ and ‘Very moving. This is precisely why we need a Poet Laureate.’
‘Moving’ was the commonest term of approval, but there was no sense of a more directed response. Like the flowers at Kensington Palace after the death of Princess Diana, the poem seemed to be channelling some national emotion, and that was enough to make it ‘powerful’. There were a few dissenters, like Ron Paste, who muttered that ‘“Love’s just blade” should have been applied to this.' But most people seemed to have left their critical faculties behind when they read the poem, which you might say consists of poorly lyricised newspaper headlines, hyped up with hollow rhymes, a weak conceit (the sew/sow idea), and a clapped-out symbol (the rose/sword of justice). I don’t doubt the sincerity of its intention, or the sincerity of its readers, but the poem is not equal to its occasion.
By its patronising use of motherhood (‘your mother sewed’), its rhetorically confident, intimate address (‘Cold pavement indeed/the night you died’) and unnecessary, portentous single-word third line (‘murdered’) it arrogates a personal voice to sentimentalise, simplify and distort a tragic story and a political problem. The sentimentalisation continues in the assumption that complex questions of state and judicial incompetence can be glossed over as the symbolic blossoming of justice from maternal sacrifice. The derivativeness of the poem’s technique and figures is of a piece with what comes to sound like glib piggy-backing on media headlines and politicians’ soundbites. It’s a feel-good consolatory poem that ends up being poetically dishonest. It may be what we have to expect from a poet laureate, but I wish it wasn’t so readily taken for good poetry.
Comments
Chris Roberts
[Take a look at the poem]
"Cold" in the first clause is meant as a metaphor. The laureate wasn't there so she didn't know how cold it was; we understand that she wants "cold" to mean something like "heartless". It doesn't much matter that it is the pavement, not the racist murderers or the cops, which is "cold", because the detail of the event is immaterial for the purposes of this dispensation and the use of metaphor is hardly liable to be scrutinised too nicely in a poem of such unanswerable significance and humanity. All that matters is that there should be a minimum sprinkle of information recognisably taken from the news reports to function as a cue and make sure everyone knows what is being talked about. The first line establishes that the use of metaphor in the poem will be to make obvious emotional associations whose solemnity is more valuable within the limits of this exercise than whatever analysis might be yielded by a more exacting or arduous figuration. The third line is meant to amplify the portentousness of the criminal act. The isolation of the word underlines it, as if to say with more ardent force that the killing was not just any sort of death but a murder, the worst sort; everyone already knows that and presumably everyone is supposed to be a little shocked and to feel a little bit braced and solemn when they reflect that they know it, supposing they bother to do that. The initial "but" in line four, following on from what is manifestly meant to be a portentous semi-colon (yet more of portent) provisionally bounding the isolated irreducible fact, murder, starts the real because moral action of the poem. It is a very hasty and precipitous start indeed, not yet to mention what of. Imagine the creative writing seminar. Teacher: you have fourteen lines -- Student, interrupting: A sonnet! -- teacher: Yes, a sonnet -- fourteen lines to write about the murder of Stephen Lawrence. You have to decide how long the poem should run on before you get to the moral volta leading to the extractable / transferable emotion payout. Student, to himself: the moral is so important that I will get to it in line four so I have enough time. My solution has the excellent advantage that I don't need to learn a single new thing about the case before I write, because the events themselves are a scaffold for a poetic reflection on them. The shorter the scaffold, the longer the run-up to the pause-and-reflect. So the Duffy squib starts in on its moral precipitously to keep the whhole thing short and doable for commuters who will read it on their iPhones (it will fit the screen) and to make sure it is manifestly a professional dispensation and not something she had to slave over and to avoid wasting time giving the particulars which after all can be had elsewhere if anyone cares to look for them. What gets the moral going is the serendipitous "airborne drop of blood", which really is just the thing for a poem like this one. Remember Andrew Motion's poem about the kids in Iraq and their bouncing ball? Same thing, roughly. A single tiny object flies through the air but it carries so much meaning. It carries future hope, the restoration of justice, meaning, a new start, etc. In this case, by way of example, the justice now being done after the trial this week. The important thing about symbols like the ball / drop of blood is that they are symbols, not that they have a specific history or are liable to be read in any number of ways or the question whether they really do justice to the event they're wafted at; the reader (who incidentally does not want to be bullied by elitist poets and difficult texts) grasps on some level that symbols are intrinsically hopeful and beautiful, and therefore that the conversion of Stephen Lawrence's blood drop into a symbol is a means of dignifying it. The other important thing about symbols when they are properly dignified and democratic because instantly identifiable and indifferent to ambiguity is that they run into each other without any friction or loss or contradiction, however apparently disparate they may be. So the drop of blood can bounce into a seed that becomes a flower that becomes not a real blade like the one that was used in a racist murder but a metaphorical and for that reason more dignified and solemn one symbolising justice in some sense or way that it would be perverse to scrutinise or inquire into very shrewdly, since after all this is a poem about a murder. Stephen was killed by a bad or evil blade, his mother ends up with a good blade that is actually love's. The educated reader can amuse herself with comparisons with Ovid or something, but more importantly, the middlebrow, hurried, inattentive reader, i.e. the reader, can see at a glance, which is all that the Guardian expects anyone will want to spend on a poem, that the protocols of the poem have been observed and the boxes all ticked. Short and easy, no new or extra detail, no contradiction, no demand that anything new or difficult be thought or learned, a few symbols, a reassuring use for metaphor, and most important of all, since the poem is for everyone and not for elitists, an ending whose sole function is to provoke a minor jostle of satisfaction in the nerves and a little moral nod. The racist murder of a black man is good material for that sort of exercise, because of course everyone knows that there is nothing to disagree over but only a very clear righting of wrongs after something horrible but not the least bit intractable to symbolisation and we are all on the same side: the ideal mainstream readership.
Ian Patterson's original criticism involves looking at the poem from atop a very high horse, mobilising a series condemnatory adjectives/adverbs: "poorly lyricised; hyped up; hollow; weak; and clapped-out". How, for example, could he make good the claim that the poem is 'poorly lyricised'? The adjectives are just the soldiers he has called on to fight his war against the poem; another reader could just as reliably offer a contrary set of soldiers to do her work: 'brilliantly lyricised', 'an arresting symbol' and so on.
Both Patterson and Keston appear to be basking in the warmth of a delusionary objectivity; literary theists to the end.
Also, I detect ludic echoes of the late great Scott Davis, who for all we know may be still alive:
'Then one night in desperation a young man breaks away
'He buys a gun, steals a car, tries to run, but he don't get far
'And his mama cries.
'As a crowd gathers 'round an angry young man
'Face down in the street with a gun in his hand
'In the ghetto;
'As a young man dies
'On a cold and gray Chicago mornin',
'Another little baby child is born
'In the ghetto,
'And his mama cries.'
The implicit question (or, rather, the one I infer) behind Patterson's original piece is why the Guardian should waste its sadly very limited poetry space on such poor stuff rather than giving its backing to more worthwhile writing.
Still don't like Duffy's poem? Then write something better; but don't trip yourself and others up in long-winded, ill-willed and inaccurate criticisms.
'When the night has been too lonely
'And the road has been too long,
'And you feel that love is only
'For the lucky and the strong,
'Just remember, in the winter
'Far beneath the bitter snows
'Lies the seed that with the sun's love
'In the spring becomes the rose.'
Which was in turn inspired by Danny O'Keeffe. But while they share a certain high-handed attitude to botany, McBroom is a more questioning poet than Duffy, less anchored if you like in received wisdom, but also less wedded to her own pieties. 'As I continued to drive down the road the thought came,' McBroom recalls, 'I don’t agree with the sentiment. I don’t think love is like a razor. (I was younger then.)'
I guess if it was there in the first place you might argue that the shadow of conceit is still there, but the Guardian have corrected the poem on-line: "sewed" has been corrected to "sowed".
Good old Guardian.
It could have been - it could have been sent to Mrs Lawrence anonymously, for instance - but as it is it was plainly a public intervention by the Queen's official poet.
There's a grudgeful populism which would conclude that thought by saying "...and as such we've all got the right to criticise it", and I'm as wary of that attitude as the next LRB reader with an English degree. But I don't disagree with the criticisms expressed so far. The poem strikes me as both trite and clumsy; the line lengths don't seem to answer any logic except ending each line with another assonance. Although assonance has this structural role, there isn't a single chain of assonances but three separate chains, alternating without any obvious reason - although they aren't quite distinct enough to be sure that they're meant to be distinct. The blood/seed/flower/thorn image is very sketchy, and "love's just blade" comes out of nowhere (if we didn't already know that Stephen Lawrence was stabbed the poem wouldn't tell us why this image is apt). I'm not at all sure about the image of Mrs Lawrence holding this "just blade" in any case - what's happened to the two people convicted is justice, not revenge, and it wasn't brought about by her alone. And, as other people have said, the poem frames the story in terms of the grieving mother's quest for justice (or vengeance), when it was and is about so much more in terms of British society; that, rather than the quality of the writing, is the real problem with this as a poem by the Laureate.
As to poetic merit, I believe the poesis (structure, metaphor and symbolism) of the poem and its obvious intentions, to honor the mother and express a muted outrage at the travesty of justice outweight the feeling that the form of Duffy's expression is, for lack of better word, common.
What can a white English female poet laureate (representing the system that nearly frustrated justice) say to a black mother of the victim of brutal racist murder that is not going to be taken, as Keston suggested earlier, as the cheap expression of someone insualted from these "toxic" realities?
Ms. Duffy justly avoided a gleeful or self-satisifed statement that justice was done. Justice delayed is justice denied, and certainly convictions 18 years later all but siphoned off any sense that a society's racism is being dealt with in a proper manner. For the same reasons, a jeremiad against racism would have been inappropriate in the circumstances.
As I said in my comment this is a tribute poem to the mother. However the greater question is the one you raised in your sensitive response. Is every poem that the poet laureate writes a "public" statement on behalf of the crown? May not a poet laureate write a personal poem during her/his tenure, where she cannot truthfully represent the other point of view without delegitimizing her position or credibility? My response to the question is that the poet laureate indeed has a personal point of view that may be at odds with the crown or the government, and this is probably one of those occassions.
This is not my attempt to make a silk purse out of cow's ear, but simply to state that Duffy's poem was the most tasteful expression of condolences from a virtual bystander to a family tragedy. To give a "modern" twist with poetic complexities (dense expression, difficult structure, etc.), too lengthen it for more weight, or to attempt to provide an official mask for the government's ineptness and neatly declare justice served, would, in my opinion, only seem more insincere.
b) leaf/grass
Literary criticism is not a science, and close reading is only a tool to explain why your divine judgement's told you that something's good or bad. Alex is probably right that there's more to it than meets the eye; but, says I: thankfully. Scrit is probably also right about Hyacinth. At the same time AitchGee is probably quite wrong to complain about that ghastly airborne CGI drop of blood ('we have liftoff') not being strictly logically like a seed. Well, it may not be solid, but it may be like a seed in lots of other ways; a poet can in principle do whatever she bloody (fnarr) well likes.
But the question must then be, how could it all go so horribly wrong? Why is the effect so banal? Why, despite all the erudite background, am I hearing Bette Midler minus everything that makes 'The Rose' a superior pop song?
One answer night be that it's got neither a tune nor Bette Midler, so for better or worse you've got to make the words themselves sing - however mutedly -- or at least do something interesting to the ear. Now say 'Love's just blade' out loud (if there's no one in spitting distance). Of course you could argue that the tongue-twister somehow reflects a knot in the poet's mind regarding the true justice of the case blah blah, but honestly, just between us here: it's shit. The fun is in how disproportionate our exegetic efforts are to the occasion, but really the person up there who said we should cover something so hideous with the mantle of silence was right.
Personally, I liked your comparisons with cheesy country songs; equally personally, no I don't hear either McGonagall or Noo Yoik. British poetry from Larkin to Motion bored me pretty much in its entirety, I happen to think CA Duffy is a breath of fresh air, and this is a step up from Ted Hughes/EJ Thribb type dribblings. Just read the last word in each line (deed-died-murdered-blood-wound-seed-sowed-ground-doubled-stilled-thorned-bloomed-hand-blade) and there are some quite complex associations and relations. To someone else, that's corny, but there's always going to be a bit of randomness about how someone will engage with a poem like this. Fine. I'm not going to be able to fix that by publishing an annotated edition. My main point was less that this is brilliant than that neither Patterson nor Keston had done much work before laying into it, and as you pointed out, probably just enjoyed jeering at an authority figure for jeering's sake. I mean what planet is Patterson on when he calls Duffy's 'use' of motherhood 'patronizing'? It's a fact that SL's mother played a central role in the campaign to overturn the unjust verdict. Mere reference to that theme is 'patronizing'? Patterson, not Duffy, is the one who has problems of tone and empathy here.
I think this is fair game, if you like critiquing Duffy:
http://www.hatchetjoboftheyear.com/#2247147/David-Sexton-on-The-Bees-by-Carol-Ann-DuffyLondon-Evening-Standard
- although of course I don't buy the 'no match for Larkin' stuff. In my view, the rot set in in about 1963, and will be remember'd for a very long time.
Another snooty Duffy-basher: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/jan/31/carol-ann-duffy-oxford-professory-poetry. I tried to click through to the actual podcast, it wouldn't open.
The Duffy-basher bashed:
http://hatchetjoboftheyear.com/#2575162/Lachlan-Mackinnon-on-Clavics-by-Geoffrey-HillThe-Independent
Also, I'd like to hear Ian Patterson explain what he means by 'hollow rhymes'.
Poem Award"
at a reading organised by some hard edge dudes from the Later
Cambridge School
they asked you to stand up
you were wearing a gorgeous indigo mohair suit
with narrow lapels made in Soho in the 60s
you received an ovation from the crowd
all seated on the ground
they took the prize away from Carol Ann Duffy
& awarded it to you
[John James on Barry MacSweeney]
www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/nov/07/carol-ann-duffy-white-cliffs-dover
The criticism of literature does not consist of judgments about literature (good/bad) but knowledge about literature (true/false): as such, it is a science, if not a "natural" science (a broken metaphor, anyway).
Nobody under the age of 65 in New York says anything close to "moidered", any more than anyone in London talks like Sam Weller.
Alex and scrit are on the right track.
If you think I'm Fryed to a Crisp, you're right.
The context is as important as the quality of the poem.