Poem of Advice

for his stalwart but sometimes uncouth friend, Christopher Hitchens

Don't tipple at tiffin¹
Or roar² for your rum.
Don't scowl at a griffin³ –
You'll only look dumb.

Don't nobble your neighbour⁴
Or haver⁵ at bees;
But strive to be kindly
And always to please.⁶

Notes:

¹ Hitchens is known to imbibe immoderately at luncheon.
² When his drink is slow in coming to the table, Hitchens often raises his voice at the waiter/bartender.
³ The griffin, being a union of terrestrial beast and aerial bird, is seen in Christianity as a symbol of Jesus, whom Hitchens deplores.
⁴ In the 'Watkins leaving-present affair' of the late 1970s, Hitchens collected handsome subscriptions from his fellow New Statesman staffers for the departing Alan Watkins, yet produced a meagre gift.
⁵ Hitchens is wont to haver at any animate audience, including bees.
⁶ Although he is a man of great courage and conviction, Hitchens is not known for his complaisance.