 |
 |
|
|
ClassifiedACCOMMODATION AVAILABLELarge riverside house in Chatellerault, France needs DIY expert/enthusiast to regain its glories. You can stay free of charge for 25 hours per week of work (all tools supplied). Superb riverside location, broadband, microwave, comfy beds, hot water etc. Write your novel there and get me a plaque. References required. Email to work out the details. Tuscany Lucca hills, long lease. Rustic house: four bedrooms, four baths plus big annex: two bedroom, two baths, empty of partially furnished. €2700 pcm. Anadalucia, Jaén mountain village house to let for a few months, writer/artisit looking for a quiet retreat? Comfortable, not luxurious. €500 pcm. Contact Stella. Double room plus own bathroom, available July to September in stunning flat with roof terrace. Near LL, Southbank and BL. Rent negotiable. Call or text 07790 111 726. APPOINTMENTSWriter in Residence at Genomics Forum,University of Edinburgh. The Genomics Forum, part of the Economic and Social Research Council, are looking for a creative writer to continue the established residency based at The University of Edinburgh. The residency is for five days per week and will run until July 2009. For full information and details on how to apply, please download the job description from the link below: Location: St John’s Land, University of Edinburgh, Edinburgh. Organisation:Genomics Forum, ESRC. Salary available on request. Closing date 30th June 2008. FLAT EXCHANGELondon-based academic looking for apartment exchange with New York resident January-May 2009. One bedroom apartment in Bounds Green, 35 minutes from British Library. FOR SALEWriters retreat: fully furnished 70 ft narrowboat on semi-rural, residential mooring. Twelve mins. to Paddington BR. Bright and airy, 70ft garden with two out-buildings. One used as study/ spare bedroom. £75,000. Tel: 07775 860 934 or go to http://narrowboats.apolloduck.co.uk (ref.80493) for further information and pictures. HOLIDAYSGreek island, traditional cottage on organic olive farm, walking distance to beautiful sandy eco beach (saved by the turtle), suit writer, artist, anyone looking for a quiet simplicity. Florence, comfortable, quiet and central apartment, sleeps four. Greek island, traditional cottage on organic olive farm. Walking distance to beautiful, sandy eco beach (saved by the turtle). Would suit writer, artist, anyone looking for quiet simplicity. B&B Edinburgh for August Festivals. £35 pppn (two sharing). www.provencemagique.com Do not dream about it. BOOK IT. Morocco. Fifteen mins from Essaouira. Studio in grounds of main house, secluded by mimosa and hibiscus. Pool for inspirational dips. Wifi internet access. £400 pm. £150 pw. Sicily, Cefalu, delightful historic town. Two-room flat, sleeps two to three, town centre, extraordinary view over-looking sea. Rome and Paris Holiday Rentals: over 300 vacation apartments listed. www.romanreference.com or www.parisreference.com Paris – New Left Bank. Two-bedroom, courtyard apartment. Bibliothèque line,14 Métro. Morocco, Essaouira, 'the jewel of Morocco'. Lovely light apartment with view over sea and ancient ramparts featured in Orson Welles' Othello. Large private terrace; serviced daily. Suit two appreciative people (non smokers). €65 per night for apartment. Holiday apartment near Munich at Lake Starnberg PARIS - LOVELY FLAT- £500/WK- EXCHANGE Tuscan farmhouse amid olives and vineyards. Close to medieval hilltop towns. Panoramic views. Perfect for local walks hot springs and Siena, Montepulciano and Pienza. Sleeps 4-12. Lovely rambling house in North Yorkshire to rent. Fantastic retreat for writers and artists. South-West France. Comfortable, stylishly restored cottage, sleeps two, tranquil, private, with expansive views, £150-£290 p.w. PERSONALSFunny intelligent bloke, 54 considered attractive, works in television but loves pop music, film, tennis, non-fiction and friends looking for feminist intellectual in her 50s for wonderful conversations. FOXY LADY, 58. Southwest. By writing this ad I’m joining a kibbutz of despair. Two weeks ago I was holed up in a kolkhoz of shame. In six months time I’m hoping to move on to a W at as-Sal m of sexual ecstasy. Relief maps with Utopia firmly circled, and confidence-lacking fems to 35, please, to man, 32. Spritely, beautiful, yet oft-ignored and increasingly desperate literary marketing exec. (F, 37) keen to show the world she has more tricks up her sleeve than ‘word-of-mouth’ publicity campaigns and a Facebook group promoting the latest chick-lit nonsense would really like to meet the guy at the launch party of David Lodge’s Deaf Sentence who ‘accidentally’ rolled up and smoked the Rizla paper I wrote my telephone number on. Au secours! English rose (F, 45) replanted in Paris Jungle. Hoping for man with trowel. Or extraordinarily large creeper. You can have the key to my heart! I’ll swap it for the combination to your gym locker. Yoga nazi (F, 43) plans on whipping you (dumpy, bland, moccasin-wearing M to 50) into shape with 18-week programme of sit-ups, circuits and emotionally-draining discussions about how pretty you really think I am. My ringtone is Dvorak. Call me and set you ears (and your heart) ablaze. Male idiot, 54. Trust no-one, least of all the fellow in the ad above this one. Deeply suspicious M, 51. Borscht-belt émigré, now trapped in the glut of London Review Bookshop subscriber evenings (that’s me next to the Penguin Modern Classics Mrs Dalloway). Fewer laughs, little to no recognition, and considerably less sex. That all changes now, with this ad and you, resplendent chiffon-wearing gentleman to 60 with mother firmly locked inside a care home. Foxy F, 34, slight tendency towards acerbic jokes, seeks intelligent unattached man to 45. Sense of adventure a must, fully functioning acidity regulator a bonus. What's with all the self-deprecation? I'm perfect, me. Early 30s F seeks appreciative male. Bookish single bloke, 67 (slim, grey-haired), an eager and energetic observer – and (on a good day) enthusiastic practitioner – of the most exciting current thinking (e.g. John Gray), but lacking the strength to cobble clever-clever, LRB-type ads together, seeks, by this simple note, a pretty, slim, affectionate woman for a romantic LTR. N London. To Irish M, I’m still kicking, desperately dancing, love chatting and drinking. Brendan BehaN would have been an ideal companion, how would he have gone down at Hay? Anyone for tennis? Ipswich. This summer. Wild thing, I think I love you. Otherwise astute, demure, svelte woman, 52. Time is of the essence and if ever there were any reason to respond to this advert would this be it. F, 26, angry and hostile will take whatever she can get but has to be quick. Quickly now before the anger sharks start swimming and I have to count to 12. World’s worst univocalic personal ad writer. Male. 43. Does anyone read these ads? Apart from my mother, I mean? If so, write to beautiful, vivacious, intelligent Jewish F (34) who won’t spend every dinner comparing you to her ex-boyfriend. I make no such guarantees about my mother though (Hi, mum). Apparently the Three Symmedians aren’t a novelty Bosnian folk troupe. Rubbish mathematician (M, 37). I am more like Grand Duke Nicholas Mikhailovich of Russia than anyone else who has ever advertised here. Man, 54. The eighties never went away! Nor did its hair! Or its piano-key tie! Its previously untarnished track record of solvency did though. As did its trousers. And teeth. Man, 47. Less a Flock of Seagulls, more a Troubling of Goldfinches. In my life-game of Scrabble the letters l,o,v and e are all missing. So too are q, u, and z. So if you’re ready to fall for dizty gamer (F, 37), or have a pet quetzal, write, with photograph and blank tiles, to Time is of the essence and if ever there were any reason to respond to this advert would this be it. F, 26, angry and hostile will take whatever she can get but has to be quick. Quickly now before the anger sharks start swimming and I have to count to 12. Born to be ex-pat, F 42. Me: lit prof by week - wadi-basher by weekend. I plant gardens and wield a mean machete, drove to Seeyum with an Al-Mahri friend, revere Thesiger, collect seashells from tourist-free beaches. Two dreams: RGS Land Rover driver training and weekend in George V, Paris. You: drive stick shift, own your own tuxedo, respect Scott more than Amundsen and don't need a cooing woman to admire and applaud every time you cut your toenails or boil an egg. Let's go find a castle in Scotland, Spain, Morocco or the Qara Mountains. Ex-French Foreign Legion preferred (or at least you read Beau Geste). Lady of the Bedchamber. A rare opportunity has arisen. Appeal, compliance and enthusiasm during the probationary period will greatly enhance your application for this prestigious post. Lingerie allowance. Full training given. M55 in Devon. Mad Dog and Englishman, 24, interested in Wagner, Edwardianism, fortified wines, and debauchery, seeks older women for coy exchanges of Wildean put-downs, followed by forbidden candle-lit passions, leading to clandestine affair, epic betrayal, and eventual Götterdämmerung and redemption. Accountants and Paleontologists need not apply. Man 52 WLTM woman for occasional association around seasides, music, pictures and sex, avoiding vows and veils or nest for two. London. The pin number for my credit card is 1917, my Facebook password is Trotsky, my hotmail secret question is ‘Who replaced Julie Christie in the sequel to A for Andromeda, The Andromeda Breakthrough?’ Camp, revolutionary social networking retro sci-fi geek (M, 43) WLTM similar for evenings dissecting Marx, the finer sub plots of Space 1999 and the chagrin bag holding lurkers of I Will Go Slightly Out Of My Way To Step On That Crunchy Looking Leaf. Wilts. No pervs. I will file you under ‘T’ for ‘Totty’. Just after ‘T’ for ‘Teutonic’ and before ‘T’ for ‘Tributary’. You can file me under ‘P’ for ‘Pithy’. And my shoes under ‘R’ for ‘Recherché’. Well-turned-out man, 46. You’re Helen Mirren. I’m Will Self. One half of this century’s übercouple-to-be seeks tousled fems to 50 for weekends full of recondite wines, obscure blandishments, and winning references to abstruse 11th century sexual practices. No loons. I have 39 years of magical experiences behind me. Gay epicurean land registrar and flamenco dancer (M). PROPERTY FOR SALEIreland. Residential Creamery, 3 acres. Needs renovation. River valley. 6 miles Bantry. Suit Studio, pottery. £200,000 Writer’s flat in Gothic Revival almhouses. Overlooking peaceful collegiate quadrangle, two minutes from Camberwell Art College. One bedroom, £185,000. Acorn Estate Agents, Camberwell. SPECIALIST BOOKSELLERSWe buy & sell language books - Foreign, Celtic, English - from libraries to single items. Books Bought & Sold. Balkans, Russia, C.E. Europe, Central Asia from libraries to single items - travel, history, politics, culture, language. |
All box number replies should be addressed to the relevant box number and sent to: London Review of Books We advise respondents to take due precautions when answering personal ads. For details of how to advertise here visit our classified advertising information page |